I just saw Lost 4x05 episode. Must admit that all the emotions that I feel right now are so strong - haven't felt like this for some time now while watching Lost - and up until now this episode is the best of 4th season for me. Damn good episode! All in one - the best action, the best story, so much new informations and happenings outside the Island , and not to mention the end - I'm not a romantic person, but I was strangely happy when Desmond finally talked to Penny. I even shed a tear ^_^
Brilliant episode - in my opinion of course. I need more episodes like this.
As for Locke.... yes, I still love him much ^_^ - but I'm starting to have my doubts regarding where the screenwriters are exactlly leading this character - after the scene with a grenade and all ... I hope they know what they're doing...
I'm begining to like Dan Farraday character more and more - as a very well played and original character .
And more Ben, please :]

ok, back to Lost and 4x06 ^_^

Oh, as I predicted, by the way, I don't have time for anything lately, and I'm constantly tired ^_^
Hope all of you are all right ;)

PS: 4x06
"after everything I did to get you here, after everything I've done to keep you here how can you possibly not understand ...that you're mine."

and I died ^_^ my prayers have been listened LOL It's almost like some of the fanfics I liked best came true ^_^

The first week of work behind me. I surveved. Although it was hard :] Mostly because it is a night work, and after two weeks of sleepinf whenever I wanted during my holidays, my body refused not to sleep through the whole night again :]

As i susspected I don't have time to do much things now. I managed to draw some, watched Boogeyman 2 movie , Sarah Connors Chronicles episodes, almost all 5th season of Smallville (Lex totally captures my attention in every episode ^_^).
I watched I disc of Looney Toons Golden Colection - all the cartoons are with Bugs Bunny , I was laughing so hard watching these! Oh I just love Elmer Fudd(?) - "Shhh! Be Vewy Vewy Quiet! Its Wabbit Season " LMAO - and greedyDuffy Duck who is always trying to get Bugs in some trouble, and Sylwester, who is " a cat more cowardly than dog" LOL, and this pirate with red beard and mustache - he is so funny:]

I'm reading Stephen King's IT again :)

Oh, and I honestly can't wait for new Indiana Jones movie!! Yeeeaaahhh! I'm Indi fanatic ^_^ His adventures are one of my favorite movies of all times :)
By the way, I was thinking lately about a crossover Indiana Jones-Lara Croft , but I don't think it would match at all in the end.

I had one of these nightmares of mine this night. Nothing unusual, but what happened next was quite surprising. Normally I know I just have to stay awake for the rest of the night, can't help it, even if I'm damn tired. Trying to get rid of these nightmares from my mind is just so hard :/ But tonight, when I woke up, ready to light all the lights, call for someone and then sitting with some book all night trying not to think about a dream I had, feeling big headache coming over me, - well, tonight I managed for the first time to actually replace these nightmare thoughts with something else, and it happened so smooth and quick that I was quite surprised. I normally can not control my thoughts in moments like these. Can't focus, can't think, can't get away from the thoughts going round and round in my mind. They're just coming back again and again , I like it or not. But not this time. I still feel how in one moment my mind becamed so light, can't describe it other way, free from all these thoughts that make my head hurt. And I just went to sleep again O_O How did I do that? Why so suddenly, not even thinking about it? It never ever happened before. I must find out...somehow. It is so tireing, all these nightmares so often :/

I haven't heard from my "father" - this is good.
I haven't heard from my aunt lately- and this is not good.

Well, that's it for now :) Life goes on ^_^
My day-offs are changing this week from Tuesday/Wednesday to Monday/Tuesday, so I only work 4 nights this week - yupiii :)
And tomorrw Lost ^_^

Tuesday's trip to London was a very nice one. Although the weather was typicaly english - fog everywhere (and it hadn't changed ), in London it was sunny and nice :)

We went to Natural History Museum , and I have to say all those dinosaur's skeletons and replicas are totally amazing! I also liked ocean life and mammals exhibitions - was impressed by 1:1 replica of a whale :D I didn't had my camera with me, so I have only few not good quality photos of main corridor - and T-rex movie ^_^




T-rex was definitelly awsome, although I always thought it was much bigger in "real" life. It made those growling sounds which was so cool ^_^

http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v219/twisk/?action=view¤t=12-02-08_1256.flv


Later we went to Oxford street and we decided to buy ourselves something nice, since we didn't go for this holiday anywhere.
So I bouhgt dvd second and third seasons of Babylon 5 - my silent obsession, one of the best sf tv series that is out there, second Millennium season - my big big obsession, Cowboy Bebop The Movie and Kurosawa's Yojimbo - one of my fav classical samurai movie ^_^
Those tv series I bought because there was nice price reduction - I also wanted to have my own Twin Peaks on dvd - but it was way too expensive.
I also got X-Men: The End in three comic books, cult Barry Windsor Smith's Weapon X and this book I wanted to buy for some time now - one of few in The Edge Chrinicles series - The Twig Trilogy . (http://www.amazon.co.uk/Twig-Trilogy-Edge-Chronicles/dp/0385613458)

On the internet I'm trying to find few cartoons I watched when I was little - Chip'n' Dale tv series and Dastardly and Muttley (Łap gołębia LOL ) which was Hanna-Barbera production - I used to love to watch their cartoons when I was a child ^_^
I also wait to have Looney Toons Golden Collection - I love those cartoons much, my fav are Duffy Duck, Willie Coyote and Cat Sylwester XD
And I wait to watch Emperor's New Groove .
I will see new Lost tomorrow - yupiii ^_^

I haven't see Alan anywhere *sniff*... ale co sie odwlecze... LOL ^_^

Yesterday -the last day of my holidays - I haven't done anything in particular - was drawing a lot, made some dinner, read a little. I finished 4th Smallville season, am in the middle of 5th. I watched next episode of Sarah Connor Chronicles, and Kairo once again (although I know I probably shouldn't...). I was just relaxing before today I guess.


Today I return to work. I have half a year untill next holiday . I definitelly need to go somewhere on my next holiday. Firenze was such a great expirience.... (with all the attractions and Hannibal Lecter guiding me around LOL)

Well, all that's good, ends quickly. I don't really mind going back to work, it's just the problems that awaits there - especially among polish people :/ They are fighting among each other, making uncomfortable situations, cutting others with knives, sending one people to beat others and stuff like that, everything for some stupid not really importent reasons (polacy...:/) We so much try to avoid being involved into one of those arguments , but it's hard and tireing and makes atmosphere very tense sometimes.
Stupid stupid people.

Now what should I do through last hours of my holidays I wonder?...

Looked thriugh my youtube fav videos today, and I found this - one of my favorite of Beethoven's.
This music , the whole composition is so increadible, that every time I listen to it, it brings so strong emotions in me... I sometimes love to turn off the light in my room, lay on my bed, play this music on my mp3 very loud, close my eyes, and live through all my emotions, all the images in my head, be somewhere else, and what I feel inside is so strong, that after it's over, in the silent room again, I can feel my heart beating so fast, and my eyes can't believe that I'm still in this small dark room - since I was somewhere else just few seconds ago.


(whole lyrics can be found on this youtube page, on right side)

Three first parts are my favorites. I love when man sings and then choir joins. The music after this Turkish March leaves me breathless. I always have this feeling of running away...someone is running away, so fast.. like that I would be running away....
I'm no classical music coneser or something. Though music is for people, one don't have to be an expert to like it. And it happened I just love Beethoven's music. For the feelings and emotions it is weaking up in me.
What always amazes me is a fact, that , at point when he created Ode to Joy, Beethoven was complitely deaf. And yet he created a music like this in his head, in his thoughts.

Wonder if Gabriel likes classical music...

I finished sketching a picture I was working on lately - inking now.
I dyed my hair (and neck and hands O_O) red - well, it was supposed to be red, but, as usual, the colour is a mixing of burgund and brown. At least it's original...I hope.

Watched few more episodes of Smallville. As I think about it, a town I'm living in right now is a little like Smallville- as a "center" of all nearby farms and small villages. We also have our Metropolis-like city, Cambridge LOL
Now I would only need a meteor shower here. Cause otherwise nothing interesting is going on here.

People I know here wanted me to go to a party yesterday. I prefered to stay at home, drawing and watching tv series ^_^

Tried to draw cartoon monkey today - as for now monkey won with me :P But I have this pirate woman drawn, so it's not so bad - I draw something and I have proof :)

The whole second season of Twin Peaks waits for me to watch it - yupiiiii ^_^

Seen Lost - which totally killed me,as usuall.Ben is so sweet, but Locke is in a good shape too ^_^
I'm in the middle of 4th season of Smallville ,was watching it through last night till morning (oh my good-evil Lex, and oh my evil Lionel mrrrr).
Watched War movie - boring, the only fact that saves it is Jet Li playing bad character - he so totally rulez, dude!!

On tuesday we will probably go to London. I wanted to see Terracotta Army in British Museum, but there are problems to get tickets. We will see. If not I want to finally go to Natural History Museum ^_^ And visit a lot of bookstores :] And maybe meet Alan Rickman, knock him out, drag into a quiet hotel room and do with him whatever I would like ^_^)

My law problems caused by my "father" continues. Can't wait for it all to finally end...

4 days of my holiday left.

Well I've finished 1st season of Twin Peaks - surprisingly most of it made perfect sense - except from who was the killer LOL Or rather I should say what was his identity - since I assume it was a man in a black coat, with his face covered - the killer I think Cooper was talking about when he mentioned some other murder case in diffrent state,diffrent town . .... yeah,I bet my guesses are totally absolutely wrong anyway :)
I'm waiting now for season 2 - hope it will make things clearer, though I heard it actually makes things more complicated.

Watched Becoming Jane - the whole movie was quite ok, trully deep it is at the end. All of Jane's book characters celebrates happy endings after all - only not Jane, as a real living person.

Watched Sarah Connor Chronicles tv series - yes, that Sarah Connor, from Arnie's Terminator movie. First episode I watched just to have laugh - and how surprisingly good it turned out to be!
I just like tv series, can't help it.

Watched mini cartoon on WB home page about Gotham Girls - starring Poison Ivy, Harlequin, Catwoman and Batgirl - this episodes make me laugh so much! Brilliant ideas, Brilliant graphics. I just love that cartoon style ^_^
http://www.worldsfinestonline.com/WF/gothamgirls/multi/episodes/


I've downloaded cartoon I watched many times when I was younger. Count Duckula -anyone remembers that? Big nanny and Igor are killing me:) Also I have Daffy Duck's Quackbusters - cartoon of all times! One of the best there is - the must see!

I've drawn a lot today - of which I'm quite proud, but let's just wait and see how (soon) will it end.... hopefully for my future - never -_-

I've new Lost episode on my pc waiting there, tempting me to watch it, but I have to wait until Martin wakes up - oh couldn't he go to sleep later??

I've read Lovecraft's "The Shadow over Innsmouth" again. I just can't resist I guess. And I've read his biography, although I wish I could know some more details. I will have to try look some more.

Half of my holidays behind me ( unfortunately) and that's how I'm trying to use this time. With returning of work I won't be having that much time again to do so many things I want to do. Reality. Not that I complain. It is good that I have a job at all ;)

I've been today with my friend to see doctor. She asked me to go with her in case she wouldn't understand the english doctor, and she is shy very much anyway. After that we went to Costa cafe, ordered large cups of coffee with chocolate and cream - oh, what a feast it was. And I didn't trully remembered how nice it is just to sit in a cafe with a really nice person and talk-about everything and nothing. Without any obligations. Just talk.
Although I would rather prefer to go on certain cemetery with a bottle of wine in one hand, and a sister at my side.

So technically I'm on my holidays from a few days :)
I wanted to go somewhere abroad, just to some place I've never seen before, but since money are always a problem ;) than I'm spending this time home the best way I can -that is mostly sleeping whole days LOL seriously, I've slept through first two days - but I guess that was what my body needed :) Since than I'm just reading,playing games, watching movies - nothing in particular, but this are also nice holidays for me - just relaxing doing what I like to do most:)

I've read Clive Barker's Mister B. Gone - which wasn't exactlly what I was hoping for, even if I just love Barker's books and see him as true horror master.

I've watched new BBC tv mini-series Sense&Sensibility (I love Jane Austen stories:) - this version totally didn't worked for me, the characters were so unrealistic and not true, dialogs were also not very well written.I also don't
understand the idea of making exactlly the same mini-series just two years after creating first one (BBC made S&S once already in 2005). In the end it bored me and I turned it off -which I usually don't do, watching everything till the end. The true and
only movie vestion for me so far is the one with Emma Thompson and Alan Rickman.

But I must admit Pride and Prejudice (2005) with Keira Knightley is just perfect !!! I like the actress much, and then there is Mr Darcy -oh perfect perfect Mr Darcy ^_^ played by Matthew Macfadyen)

Watched Aliens vs Predator 2 - pathetic stupid movie, dissapointed me complitelly, and I was crying big sad tears watching it, as a big fan of Aliens and Predator :/ The scenario had no sense at all, just some random shoots putted together
to make a cinema movie. Aliens looked like plastic monsters on wheels, Predator acted like MacGyver most of the time. Alien looking like Predator was the most stupidiest thing in the world. I know,it began in some Superman comic - but it still does not make any sense - after all Aliens never looked like humans. And they were far more superior from most of species to absorb their dna and change. I think here it was just a trick to make movie more scary or something- but it complitely ruined it for me:/

Watched movie The Bug - it totally messed up with my mind and thoughts, gaved me too much to think I guess.... And then this news about a milionere man who killed his little daughter after watching this movie (although I don't think it's true what they wrote in newspapers, I don't think the movie was actually the main reason, most like a trigger to something that was cumulating there from some time-but I don't know myself about this things in the end...)

And now I'm in the middle of watching a tv series I wanted to see again for such a long time now - David Lynch's Twin Peaks. Have you ever seen it? I only remember few fragments of it, since I was too small to remember and understand anything when it was first showed in our tv years ago. I just remember I was scared, of what - I don't know exactly, but there was always this anxiety about it... Everybody was watching Twin Peaks then, later they were gossiping and talking rumors almost like that it would really happen in our own town or something :) Anyway I had to wait until now to watch it again, and one simple reason stood in my way until now- no polish subtitles. Oh I could watch Twin Peaks without it, but since ithe scenario is so very complicated and my english is not so good, every time I started watching it, I was lost in details after one or two episodes, and couldn't follow the story properly.
It's a little like with Millennium series. Often the story in episode is so complicated and full of unfinished thoughts, quotations and importent details that I need english subtitles to watch it and understand the meaning.
Ps: agent Cooper rulez!!!

Thanks to Isobelle my head is full of thoughts and scenarios about dreaming the same dream with the current object of my desires - Azi zabijasz mnie!! Muszę przeczytać ten fick! Co za pomysł ^_^

Waiting unpatiently for next Lost!!!!

Oh, and I'm in the middle of Enchanted Arms game - it totally posessed my heart and my mind - japanese rpg game in best form!!!

Well, I guess that's it about my holidays for now. One can see I have lots of free time writing so much text without any particular sense :) Whatever ;)

Oh, my aunt had a few not very nice words from this man that still calls himself my father... yep, he wasn't very nice to her, and acted as everything was our fault again... well I say who cares about him anymore?

I've decided at least, what I should decide long time ago - that I don't have father anymore. Yes, the man will be still there somewhere, but he is no longer my problem, I have nothing to do with him, he does not exist to me as a parent.
I will leave only my earliest memories about himas a father, the ones in witch we are laughing and days were so beautiful and full of sun.
Though that was a long time ago for me, so I don't remember much.
I think I have to do this for myself. It's time to think about myself,not about him for a change.
Because even though this man changed most of my and my mother's life into living hell, I still had doubts if I shouldn't even send few kind words to him from time to time. Always those doubts in my head. And this story Sue told me, about her daughters that refused to speak to their fater, and he died, and then they regreted not saying even final word to him.
So I wrote few nice words. I tried to be nice. After everything,and after everybody told me I'm so stupid doing this.
I haven't spoked with him from a long time. There is something in my mind, but I just can't pick up the phone when he calls. Can't make myself to do this. I'm just usually standing and looking at the phone, till it stops ringing.
But I send a short letter and some cards and photos. At least this I could do.
But now it appears he hasn't changed at all, he is still the same selfish son of a bitch he always was. Always thinking about himself, not others. And I got another problem on my shoulders, another burden to carry - always because of him. There is
always something. And others have to pay the price, not him.
Well, I'm done with it. Once and for all. I don't really feel the diffrence, maybe relief. He was always this part of my mind and thoughts that poisons all my life, returning my memories back to the old days.... I prefer not to have father than.
It's no diffrence -he didn't acted like one anyway, was more like a stranger to me most of the time.
Maybe I will regret this,maybe not. Maybe I am a bad daughter, maybe not, I don't care anymore. I'm tired.

So, goodbye, Mr I-will-drink-until-I-die always wronged poor and innocent not-guilty-of-anything selfish egocentric psychotic piece of shit.

I doubt many people will answer, since only few comes here, but it's worth to try:)

If you're on my friends-list, I want to know 36 things about you. I don't care if we never talk, or if we already know everything about each other. Short and sweet is fine ... You're on my list, so I want to know you better!

Be honest! Copy from here, then send directly to me in a comment, then repost the empty questions.


1) Are you currently in a serious relationship?
A.

2) What was your dream growing up?
A.

3) What talent do you wish you had?
A.

4) If I bought you a drink what would it be?
A.

5) Favorite vegetable?
A.

6) What was the last book you read?
A.

7) What zodiac sign are you?
A.

8) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where.
A.

9) Worst Habit?
A.

10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?
A.

11) What is your favorite sport?
A.

12) Do you have a Negative or Optimistic attitude?
A.

13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
A.

14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?
A.

15) Tell me one weird fact about you.
A.

16) Do you have any pets?
A.

17) What if i showed up at your house unexpectedly?
A.

18) What was your first impression of me? (hmmm...careful!)
A.

19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
A.

20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
A.

21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
A.

22) What color eyes do you have?
A.

23) Ever been arrested?
A.

24) Bottle or can soda?
A.

25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
A.

27) What's your favorite place to hang at?
A.

28) Do you believe in ghosts?
A.

29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
A.

30) Do you swear a lot?
A.

31) Biggest pet peeve?
A.

32) In one word, how would you describe yourself?
A.

33) Do you believe/appreciate romance?
A.

35) Do you believe in God?
A.

36) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?
A.

New year deserves new LJ layout, I thought to myself lately.
And here it is ^_^ Not only Benjamin Linus haunts my thoughts and imagination I must admit But hey, there is enough place in my bed...ekhm I, mean in my imagination for both of them ^_^


Some new years resolutions on my mind:
-to write more on my LJ, and to comment more on my friend's LJs
-to draw more, so that one day I could have this job I have always dreamed of
-I need to finish reading all my books (not to mention HP 7 ^_^)
-lose some weight - lately I can't fit into my trousers comfortably :/
-I promise to myself trying to enjoy life even more now, especially after what happened on Christmas Eve.... really,in so many situations there can always be even worst than it is....
Well, this is it I guess. It will be true miracle if I can keep this few promises of mine LOL

I will start from reading this book I bought today - Call of Cthulhu by Lovecraft (one of my favorite horror writers), and 30 Days of Night comic books. Later I will probably watch some horror movie, and try to read some fanfics with Gabriel as main character (mrrrrrrr, what this angel is doing to me, I can't focus,I swear..... ^_^)

So,plans for today are simple ^_^

Or I will go to sleep LOL